completely agree with you on all that.
the only thing that's kept me occupied, sane and with minimal ppl risk for so long was kasandra. I always keep a to-do list on my ipod for remembering & planning everything then go through that list.
my mind always running especially in bed and have trouble trying to sleep till bout 4am.
yes friends & family have always said before I couldn't learn to be mechanic, it'd be too dangerous, why spend so much time & effort on a micra when I could get a nice car like beemer (#chuckles# eyy andy 
), do this do that. yet here I am an educated self taught technician, me & car safe in one piece, have my ideal reliable satisfactory turbo micra that brings me joy.
fact is no-one can know what another person can/can't do (we're not fortune tellers, yet), sometimes not even myself. they're not in my shoes. ppl can only at best pass on major lessons from their own life experience and hope that person makes the right judgement to suit their situation.
aye I was hooked onto that "3D virtual world" dream too stubbornly cos it was a safe option, being too loyal to work friends and trusting the wrong ppl till I eventually realised the beast was slowly trying to eat me alive. I was hurt hard last yr and has scarred me deep.
the anxiety says well, if the past 3 jobs just led to false dissappointment, and past women just behave like that, it predicts that everything else out there must be the same crap (animal eat animal in the wild world) so what's the point of exposing myself to further harm? thus hesitation (self preservation).
#do I get a david attinborough commentary lol#
I have to stop curling into a fetus ball letting depression anxiety kicking my teeth in, and realise that the world ain't all that bad, even after such bad luck/decisions, there are some goodness out there, it's just a matter of increasing my probability of finding the right ppl at the right time & place.
