Le Mans 2013

[dlewis]

Le Mans is something thats becoming an annual pilgrimage for a group of us. This is taken of Cliosport.net and is the write up of our trip this year (Failsport is our collective group name, Norfbest are the Northern Monkeys and Anorak were the 'other' southerners...)

Anyway thought some might enjoy reading it... i'm realllly slowly putting a video together of the trip as well...

(oh and i'm the Panda....)




LM2013. Powered by Failsport.
The 2012 24 hours ended in a familiar fashion… Audi had won, the new guys crashed and the rest of the field was littered with Ferraris and Porsches and the odd Corvette.

Toyota have returned, stronger and faster than ever…. Would 2013 be different?

We’d booked for 2013 before alighting at Dover, with Dave slightly happy that the ACO had pushed the date towards the end of June instead of his 60th birthday weekend. He didn’t want to miss out on the use of his bus pass..

2013 saw two new recruits for the Failsport team bringing the total up to 12 meaning we had to seriously think about what vehicles to take!


At the time Ryan was working at a car dealership and sealed a deal on a BMW 525. A very straight car, which had been lovingly serviced every year from the word go. It was clearly an epic choice for ballers and wafters alike. For a bargain £250, this was going to be our 1st weapon of choice.

Mike had purchased an E30 convertible early in the year, a classic 80’s icon which would look great in tow with the 525, some dodgy sunglasses, a white blazer and a few cigars..

Ryan bought a V6 and immediately insisted it was taken, much to the annoyance of everyone due to the fact it could only take two people and had 0 room for luggage.
Leaving the need for one more vehicle; queue Saners epic T5 barge.




2 Weeks before D Day.
After a few discussions on what paint scheme/way to ruin the 525, Ollie decided it was too good to ruin. Sigh.

Mike had announced he was too scared to take the E30 and was now taking a bargain 172 he had managed to find, Ryan simply chucked a roof box on top of the V6 (as you do...) to get around the luggage issue and Saner? Well Saner never had any issues as he is probably the most sane person in the group.

By this point we were also two travellers down with Tom & Hallam having to bail last minute. This meant extra space, less luggage and the 4 ‘yoofs’ ending up in the 2 chav cars..


20.06.2013.
After last years’ drama of half the group waking up late, no one was taking any chances and a 6 o’clock meeting time for McDonald’s breakfast at Cobham services was agreed.

We met with the 2nd half of Team South (a collective of Failsport and Team Anorak) who would unite against a dwindling northern contingence for this years LM. (F*** Norfbest)

After destroying a Maccers, a quick session with the paint pens and a last minute oil-top up for Cub, we convoyed to Dover to catch the 9.25 Ferry to Calais.

Typically, Mike and Ryan got a little distracted in a tunnel a few miles from the port and ended up upsetting the locals… Cue a couple of seconds later when Mr Plod was sat up their arses blues and twos flashing. “Lube ‘em up officer”.

Luckily he had missed the antics and was on call to something else. PHEW.

Once at the port we met up with Norfbest. Well, we met their cars, which were greeted with Failsport stickers.

6 Hours, a bit of rain, lots of toilet stops and a bit of d**king about, we arrived on Houx campsite (the campsite of kings) to discover, for the third year running we’re in the same spot. Everyone gets tenting whist Budgie & Panda are left to forage and make fire. Thankfully full erection was completed just in time for a biblical downpour, which left the campsite a bit wet and many praying this wasn’t a sign of the weekend to come. As usual we got the barbecue going.
This years menu:
Double burgers,
Double sausages,
Double Bacon,
Eggs,
Potatoes,
Steak, lamb & 3 chickens….
We had it all for 2013.


IMG_11121_DXO_1 by couzens1989, on Flickr


IMG-20130620-WA0002 by couzens1989, on Flickr




It didn’t take long for the Paint pens to reappear and, combined with two reels of detailing tape, the 525 was looking a little bit more Failsport. A few drinks later; we were on the roof trundling around Houx as per the norm. It seemed rude to not visit Team Anorak and offer them a lift. Resulting in a record 21 people on/in the 525… it was quickly decided that or next year it’ll need lowering….!






About 11ish we headed on down to Tetre Rouge to watch an uneventful qualifying session (a yellow and two red flags!). After being up for close to 22 hours we hit the sack.


21.06.2013
Nothing really happens on Friday….. Actually that’s a lie.
Friday is why Mike goes to Le Mans, it’s an excuse to get drunk and watch/do burnouts and of course PistonHeads Friday Service.

Breakfast couldn’t come sooner for those feeling a little worse for wear after Thursday’s premature antics and Mike cooked up a storm. The envious looks form the surrounding campers as we demolished eggs, bacon and sausages and brews. Breakfast of champions!!
Early afternoon came and we trundled on down to the Friday Service taking the V6 and what was now rapidly becoming a ghetto 525.


DSC_0059 by couzens1989, on Flickr

 

[dlewis]

The food was pretty shoddy compared to last years, but the cars on show made up for it F50s, Lambos, Astons and Enzo and the battered Beemer. We had all clocked Chris Harris (and he had clocked Couzens Vee!) when we entered the field so Mike asked him if he fancied standing on the roof of a car. At first dubious, Mike explained all would be revealed. He found the decorative 5 with a few people sat on the roof drinking. “Be rude not to…” And as if to confirm the hero-status of Team Failsport: “You guys are doing this right… you know when to let go.”
After asking Mike & Ollie a few questions about the car (to which their answers were quite vague) and fobbing-off some randomer trying to get a photo he took his chino-suit and trainers off to look at the Enzo…


IMG-20130624-WA0006 by couzens1989, on Flickr


DSC_0060 by couzens1989, on Flickr

After leaving the meet (and well before Mad Friday had kicked off) we headed back to the campsite, where we discovered that, ideally, we needed a saw to cut firewood / trees down in the woods opposite. An initial trip to find the shops was fruitless after not finding a Carrefour (or Mr Bricolage!!!!) and returning with tails between legs after being shouted at by the gendarmeries for illegal U-turns in the road and stopping on the Mulsane to ask directions!!

Attempt two happened at about 6pm. Error. Houx Mad Friday was in full swing. Fortunately Nick has some mechanical sympathy so politely offered to not do burnouts. Dom’s approach was to simply hoot and swear until they moved…

Very little French was known between Ryan, Nick and a Panda so what followed were their best sawing, chopper gestures and chainsaw impressions at a French shop assistant and they eventually returned with a bow saw, to the excitement of Mike. He was like a kid at Christmas!
Although his attention had been caught by the hints of Mad Friday creeping into the Houx campsite. Cue no mechanical sympathy Autoba smashing the red line out of Mikes 172 in a burnout competition with a Pontiac Trans AM. Even the 5 series managed to do one with the help of the crowd lifting the rear end! (Although this was only witnessed by a Panda and a drunk Mike…)




We had invited all members of CS attending Le Mans to a Failsport BBQ that night; We’d like to thank the North for attending and remaining calm amid much banter, football and Maggie Thatcher jokes.



We all got drunk, which resulted in Ryan as Maggie T, Tim as Albert Einstein and a Panda raving the night away at the epic Trance Night someone had set up from at their campervan.

Bored of dancing, a plan was hatched for a mission to chat up Laura who we’d found hiding on the other side of the campsite, Paul (Gorms) found a wet patch and promptly walked across it resulting in wet shoes/slippers/homo footwear. Clearly the only effective way to dry them out was to chuck them on the fire. The night lasted until the small wee hours and we eventually went to bed knowing tomorrow was race day.






22.06.2013
Whilst everyone slept in Saner, Vish and Ryan headed over to watch the classic race Chris Harris was racing in. As per usual it was wet in the morning.
After an initial bail from Tom, it was to the surprise of many when he appeared at lunchtime having caught the euro star and driven down that morning! True dedication!!
We teamed up with some Anoraks and positioned ourselves in the usual spot – The Esses down from Dunlop Curve. It was at this point we discovered Cub is a pacifist as he politely asked some French people to “sit down…”

3 o’clock rolled round and the 90th Le Mans Started to a roar of cheering and applause! And so did the drizzle…


Unfortunately as we are all too well aware 10 minutes into the race Allan Simonsen crashed the number 95 Aston into the Armco just after the Tetre Rouge corner.
The race was yellow flagged for the next hour and news of his death came over the radio back at the tent, a very sobering moment for all.


8 hours in:
As darkness fell the annual black ops took charge with the new guys tagging along with us. After last years weak attempt because we were all to scared we would be shot by angry farmers, we just went with the “don’t give a s**t attitude”. 10 minutes later we were at the Mulsanne with the sound of V8 Corvettes and Astons, the turbo whistle of the Audis and the screeching of Ferraris ringing in our ears.



At about 3am majority of us then headed to the main straight, sat in the grandstands and soaked up the night-time atmosphere and the bustle of early morning pit stops. This was also the perfect chance to go on the Gypsy Ferris Wheel - something that we hadn’t managed to actually do yet and something that made Dave weak at the knees. He begrudgingly agreed to ride the super-rickety wheel and immediately regretted it – cradling his hipflask for the full 15 minutes. After returning to the tent, Nick took some of the Anoraks to Arnage corner.

 

[dlewis]

23.06.2013
As the sun rose on the Sunday morning we retired to bed to the sound of the Mulsanne.

After a long lie-in we headed over to the circuit for the last couple of hours. Number 1 and 2 Audi had suffered problems and had spent lengthy times in the pits, leaving number 3 Audi running 1st with the Toyotas running 2nd and 3rd.

About an hour from the end, the 3rd place Toyota crashed into the tyre wall and seemed to be out of the race. He managed to get it back to the bits for a major front-end rebuild. This left the door open for Audi to finish 3rd. (which they did) but at least Toyota had showed what they’re capable of and finished 2nd and 4th respectively – maybe next year is their year? (probably not because Porsche are coming back…)

Assuming our positions on the inside of Tet Rouge, we watch our third race finish. Time to get the obligatory Dunlop Bridge group shot and to also leave our mark on the circuit.


DSC_0094 by couzens1989, on Flickr


IMG-20130624-WA0001 by couzens1989, on Flickr


DSC_0096 by couzens1989, on Flickr

Once we got back to the tent, there was only one thing left to do. Get drunk, eat food and burn anything flameable, the campsite is dramatically emptied by this point.


IMG-20130624-WA0023 by couzens1989, on Flickr


IMG-20130624-WA0021 by couzens1989, on Flickr


IMG-20130624-WA0019 by couzens1989, on Flickr


The remainder of Sunday saw some serious wet-wipe paint-pen removal for the 5 series and Mike and The Panda disappearing for most of the night in the 172…

We could hear them being beaten by an imprezza on their make shift rally course they had constructed on the campsite so we knew they we still alive. For now. Turns out they’d later got beached in Houx Annex whilst ‘exploring’ finding themselves in a predicament; leave the 172 until the morning; or wake a sleeping Ollie to ask for the 525 keys. LOL. “Looks like it’s staying here.”
We can’t thank the French van driver enough (even if he did nearly rip the front end off the car) for saving us at midnight form a dark field!!


Rally Monaco by couzens1989, on Flickr


Rally Monaco 3 by couzens1989, on Flickr


Rally Monaco 2 by couzens1989, on Flickr

As we were to be up early the next day, we had decided to go to sleep apart from two members who we’d presumed killed in action, but no, they turned up in the early hours ruining the peace, which resulted in one angry Cornish man telling them off. Sorry dad.

(Mike & Panda would like to make it clear that it was actually some other random campers and we were consciously very quiet as no one wants to wake Nick when he’s dreaming).

 

[dlewis]

24.06.2013
Morning came and as it did, so did the thought of McDonalds. Tent packed, fridge thrown and fire smouldering we escaped the gypsies and headed for the mornings Big Macs and eventually the road home.

Deciding we (Dave) knew best and deciding what everyone had warned on the internet was b****cks we headed for Rouen (which was ‘apparently’ clogged up due to a bride closure) and sure enough, it was clogged up due to a bridge closure. We were in traffic for the best part of 2 hours, we were not making the ferry.


DSC_0102 by couzens1989, on Flickr


After making progress through mid-France, we hit the outskirts of Calais with about 45 minutes to spare. We were making the ferry!

Typically we hit road works. We didn’t make the ferry.


That’s it. Another Le Mans over and done with.
We’ve already booked 2014 and have bigger and better plans.


Chicane by couzens1989, on Flickr


Rolex V6 by couzens1989, on Flickr

 

[dlewis]